Hello All!
Due to a recent comment on my last post I thought I should bring this topic up. When You first meet someone whether it be a guy or girl that you are hoping to date or make friends with how much do you tell them about your Chronic Pain Condition? Do you tell them right away or do you try to hide the symptoms as much as possible until a relationship develops? Simply, how much information is too much and when should you let them know?
When I came out of my semi-remission at 17, I realized that I would have to let others know that I had a condition in which the main symptom was chronic pain. When people found out about the RSD they started staying away from me. I then went into my freshman year of college with the mindset that people would have to ask me what I had versus me telling them. I made friends but I was never sure when or how much I should tell them. I always just let them ask the questions and wouldn't go into any more detail unless more questions were asked. I have done this and so far it has worked.
When I first meet and went on my first date with J, I was extremely nervous. I was scared that he wasn't going to like me because of my RSD. Thankfully that was the opposite. He's been a major blessing in my life. I'm very honest with him about my RSD and how it makes my body feel. He helped me a lot when I was in a flair last week and I had a test. I could barely pick up a pencil and he was there to help me. I still have my answer only what is asked concept with him, but I feel like he understands more than others do.
How much you say to someone is up to you. For me the question and answer only what was asked works for me. If people are still curious and want to know more then I have no problem explaining in more detail. Some people are ok with a single answer while others need a more in-depth answer. What you choose to do and what works for you may not be what works for someone else.
I'm so glad you have someone so wonderful!!! It sounds like he is very supportive and understanding which is fabulous. I hope someday I meet a guy who can see past the RSD.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good post and something I've dealt with. I tend to do the same, waiting until a question is asked and then answer. My friends know more because they've been there helping when I would miss class for a treatment. My best friend in college knows everything. In the class I first met her I went through my first SCS trial. Her and I had an assignment to do together, so she saw me while I had wires coming out my back. If that doesn't scare a person away...
My friends seem partially terrified to touch me, especially after my RSD spread. Most people (family and friends) are afraid to hug me and won't. I tell them it's ok, but even so.
I go back and forth on this. I used to not tell anyone, because I'd go in and out of pain and it was confusing. But then I started to overdo it and when I told people, I could get help and not feel the burden of having to do it all myself. But it's hard. Sometimes I just don't want to talk about it!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this answer to my comment! This is such an issue for me. Up to this point, I have been able to live/act 'normally' for the most part, and tried to keep people from realizing that I even had this condition. I tend to get really self-conscious when people do ask me because I have never liked to admit weakness. I do agree though, it is pretty well always better when someone asks.
ReplyDeleteYour welcome Rachel!
ReplyDeleteI pretty much just live my life also but with me sometimes its obvious that Im not exactly normal. When I wear a sweater I have to wear a scarf on my right arm to help with the hypersensitivity. I am not ashamed of this as I will probably always have this hypersensitivity and I freeze so I need to stay warm somehow. Its just how other's react to it that throws me off sometimes and gives it away that Im not exactly "normal". Also the fact that I get accomidations in my classes but Im not ashamed about that either since they help me out.
If any of you have topic suggestions please feel free to let me know. Ill try to write about them in a timely manner.